September is Better Breakfast Month

Friends going through a challenge probably do not have the time, energy or desire to fix a big nutritious breakfast.  Organize your team to provide breakfasts several days a week for your friend’s family.  A bowl of cut up fruit, some pastries and perhaps ready-to-heat bacon or sausage is quick to do – and can provide something appealing to various family members.

Your friend may also enjoy going out to breakfast.  Offer to be a breakfast date, and then drive your friend to get a few errands fun.

September is National Courtesy Month

Please:  Friends may have a very difficult time saying “please do this for me” – so do what you can to offer specific ways to help, and then say to your friend “please allow us to do nice things for you, just as you would do for us if the situation was reversed.” 

Thank you:  Your friend may be feeling guilty about receiving continued help because proper thank you’s have not been sent.  Nobody on your ‘team’ will expect a thank you – but that does not mean your friend does not want to send notes.  Help out by preparing simple thank you notes – addressed to those people who have provided meals, child care, transportation, etc., and then help your friend get the notes signed, stuffed and sent!

You’re Welcome:  Even though your friend may feel awkward to ask for help, and may need to thank friends, hearing “you’re welcome” will be music to your friend’s ears.  How often do we forget to say those two special words that mean so much?

September is Classical Music Month

Classical music can be very soothing.  Your friend may enjoy some CDs of classical music.  Provide a portable boom box if your friend is in and out of the hospital – the music can help with relaxation.

September is National Drug and Alcohol Addiction Recovery Month

Do you know someone who needs to stop drinking or using?  Be a true friend and encourage your friend to get sober.  Even if your friend is angry with you at first, in the long run you may save a special life.

Weeds, Weeds, Go Away!!

Oh, we wish they’d just go away .. but they seem to need a LOT of prompting. 

When life is difficult, and the yard is out of control, just seeing the mess each time we arrive home can be depressing or overwhelming.  The simple tasks if trimming bushes and tree limbs, and edging sidewalks are nice ways to make life feel just a little bit more in order!

Someone going through grief, a major illness, a move to a new home, or welcoming a new child into their family probably does not have much time or energy to weed flowerbeds.  Be an elf… when nobody is looking, pull weeds and clean up the mess!   If your friend has numerous spots where weeds flourish, invite a few friends to do the gardening with you.

Surprises

Organize a housecleaning day – but this cannot be a complete surprise – you MUST let someone in your friend’s household be “in” on this one, because showing up unannounced could very possibly be an unwelcome invasion of privacy… and that is NOT what friends do!

When you mow your lawn, go next door and mow your neighbor’s, too.

A gift box on the doorstep filled with a coffee mug, tea bags, snacks, a book or DVD.

Daily gifts with a theme such as “spring garden” – flower seed packets on Monday, tomato plants on Tuesday, herbs on Wednesday, blooming flowers on Thursday, a note on Friday indicating that friendly elves will arrive at 1pm on Saturday to get flowerbeds ready for planting.

When you mow your lawn, go next door and mow your neighbor’s, too.

What Friends Did –

I wanted to buy Sonja an angel.  I thought that this was going to be an easy task, but by the fifth store I still could not find the right angel.  I went home and thought of everything that I wanted the angel to represent---encouragement, friendship, laughter, fun, hope, love, and support.  I then realized I needed more than one angel.  I received an Oriental Trading magazine in the mail, and this was the answer to my dilemma.  I bought several angels and attached a saying, poem, joke, or story to each angel.  I came up with a clever way to hide the angels around Sonja's house.  She still does not know who I am---which I think adds to the fun.  The Guarding Angel poem is the first poem an angel gave to Sonja; it expresses what I hope my troop of angels is achieving:

Guarding Angel

When times are hard, were feeling low, We don't know where we want to go it's time we need to know. 
 
An Angel to guide you on your way 
An Angel to brighten your day 
 
When you need an uplifting thought A hand to hold or to hug a lot 
 
An Angel to sit with you awhile 
An Angel to make you smile 
 
Our Angel knows our dented soul. The friend comes from an unknown 
source and soon we feel complete once more. 
 
An Angel to encourage and guide 
An Angel to stay by your side.  
 
~ Ruth Warren

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Letter Box
Your friend will treasure letters written from friends.  Borrow this idea that was recently shared on Oprah: Ask all friends to write a letter with a theme (Why your friendship is a treasure for me, What I admire most about you, etc.)   Collect all the letters and place them in a special box.  What a lovely gift.

This lovely memory box will hold all the letters nicely.

Maintain the Garden!

As automn approaches, spend some time getting your friend’s yard cleaned up.  Pick up sticks, pull weeds and place some pots of mums in the yard.  This activity can be done solo or with a group, and is a great ‘surprise’ activity.

Wash Windows!

This activity needs your friend’s permission.  Offer to wash windows – inside and/or out.  Sparkling clean windows will make every day of sunshine even brighter.

Tis a Gift to Give

Your friend will enjoy giving gifts to others even in the midst of a crisis or trauma.   Suggest one of the fun WhatFriendsDo.com ideas for your friend to do for someone who has helped them significantly.

Build a snowman – if you live in a climate where snow falls, bundle up and build a snowman in your friend’s front yard.  What a fun treat for everyone!

Recycling

Maybe your friend is having a difficult time sorting through belongings of a deceased loved one.   Recycling useful items to others may be just the opportunity needed to put those things to good use for someone less fortunate.   Gently suggest that you are donating clothing and household items to a local shelter – and ask if there is anything useful they could contribute.

Dining Out?

While you’re out having dinner with friends, and you’re discussing your friend in need purchase a gift card for the restaurant before you leave.  Enclose it in a card and let your friend know he or she was in your thoughts, and you wanted to share a meal with them.  If the restaurant has delivery service, be sure to enclose a menu with your gift card.

Picture This!

Make sure the family is all together by putting together pictures … video would be great gift … good for military people, or people who have moved away .. this can be from family or friends

Special delivery each Sunday:  collect notes and cards all week and bundle them with a pretty ribbon, then place the bundle in your friend’s mailbox each Sunday.  These don’t replace cards throughout the week – but instead they are a special delivery each week on the day the mailman doesn’t come.

Organize a housecleaning day – but this cannot be a complete surprise – you MUST let someone in your friend’s household be “in” on this one, because showing up unannounced could very possibly be an unwelcome invasion of privacy… and that is NOT what friends do!

Maybe the best surprise for your friend is to organize a collection to pay for a cleaning service.

Closet Cleaning

Many people rotate the clothes in their closets as the seasons change. Ask your friend if he/she needs help with this.

Children may be in need of spring and summer clothes, having outgrown those worn last year. Offer to take children shopping.

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Take a Turn - If your friend is going through chemotherapy treatments, offer to drive him or her to give the primary caregiver some time to do other things.  Take along a basket with some snacks and magazines.  You might also take along some blank note cards and ask if you write some notes on your friend’s behalf.   Take along some treats for the staff at the oncology center, too.   This will bring a smile to the staff and your friend!

Remember the whole family! 

When pampering your friend, keep in mind that his or her family members are also going through the experience.  They need to be pampered, too!   Movie passes (that include concessions!) for the entire family will be great for a fun family outing.  If going out isn’t feasible, DVD rentals are good – you can pick-up and return the DVDs – and maybe a family member would enjoy going with you to make the selection.

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This month, and every month, please visit your local blood donation center and share the gift of life.

Remember the caregivers!!

Doctor appointments, chemotherapy and radiation treatments do not stop during the holidays.  Caregivers also may appreciate having a friend’s help for these appointments in order to free some time for their own holiday preparations.

For Friends Grieving

Begin new and meaningful traditions for your friend’s family and help them find a way to honor the memory of the person who died.

• Give your friend a memorial candle to be lit throughout the holiday season
• When speaking with your friend, acknowledge that your are thinking of his/her loved one and tell of a specific holiday memory you have of that person
• Suggest that your friends dedicate a meal to the person who died
• Make a donation to a charity in the name of your friend’s loved one
• If children have lost a parent, take them shopping to buy their gifts for their surviving parent
• Observe a moment of silence before a holiday meal honoring the deceased person

Acknowledging the person who died is an important part of the healing process for the surviving family and friends.